My Pride & Joy

as cliche as it may sound, my kids ARE my pride & joy. today i walked into my daughter's school to find her searted in the front of the assesmbly. she had just done her turn at a spelling competition. i ddidn't even know she could spell all those words, wow! she didn't even know she was going to be selected. the most amazing thing is, she actually stood up in front og everybody and used the mike for the first time. way to go my darling, i'm SOOOOOO proud of u sweetie!

earlier in the day my heart just burst with pride when my son told me he was thinking of being a doctor. i don't know if it was the way he used the word 'thinking', or his serious contemplative look, or his choice of noble profession. until i asked him why he wanted to be a doctor, and with his adorable little face contorted in pain and concern, told me 'because i don't want people to be hurt' at that moment, i knew we had done a good job with this parenting thing. for little man hardly able to reach anything, his heart n mind had truly reached the stars. for a small man to have so much empathy AND a plan t fix it was just amazing.

thank you Lord for our wonderful children.

faith vs fear

i subscribe to Joel Osteen's newsletter, n recently he has been talking a lot about faith, n fear, n how they both work in the same way, but in opposing directions. so we should choose faith, n trust in God. so that is what i am doing. shoo away now fear, off with you, i declare you are nothing and u have absolutely no control over me. so faith, i have faith, i believe in God, n i trust God. thank you God, for all your blessings.

"i hate you mom" then she storms off and cries in a corner, after pushing her little brother to add to the drama.

at 5, she's quite the drama queen. i know i'm supposed to be the mom and be the mature one, and in control, but sometimes it get so darn hard. so what am i supposed to do? i often myself being entangled in her horrible fights, saying things back and bickering and sulking just like my kids.

which should not be the case, really. so i've tried ignoring her, or giving in to her, at least, as they say, on paper. but most of all, i just let her let off steam, then give her the big mama bear hug i know she longs for, despite all that is said and done.

or rather, because of all that is said and done i guess. she has told me quite directly a few times that she feeels i love the little one more, and i tend to spend more time with him, so that is reason she is unhappy.

so, my darling, i am so very truly sorry if i have unintentionally let u down, or not paid u enough attention. i will make it up to u. i am. i love you so much my little princess, and we will have lots of special time together, just the two of us, i promise. i love you sweetheart.

My goal is to have some goals

it's just so weird rite, to even have such a goal. well, at least i know that goals are important, and i know that studies everywhere show that goal orientated peopla do better, are healthier, richer blah blah. so what about me? what can i do? i don't have a goal per se and i don't know what my goal is. shucks. i just want to be happy. and rich. and keep my darling and the kids happy too. oooh, n i do want to do well at grad school. so there. does that qualify as a goal? i hope so.